Apple Butter - the cheap, easy way

Who doesn't love pictures of a kid playing in a red wagon?  Especially on a beautiful fall day in a pumpkin patch?  I'm not sure if a question mark is appropriate there, but that's what is happening.  This picture is especially wonderful, because it shows the general lack of concern by the person taking the photo (me) for my child's safety as he stands up in the cute red wagon.  I'm a wonderful parent, really.

At said pumpkin farm, you're encouraged to pay money to let your kid play on bails of hay, run through a corn maze and/or pet goats.  You are also encouraged to buy gourds, toobers and canned fruit from the previous season.  Of course we gave in to buying a pumpkin and apple butter, duh.

Apparently I like to waste my time in the kitchen, so I got to wondering how to make apple butter.  Ironically, unlike rain on your wedding day, apple butter involves no butter.  If you disagree with my understanding of that as a case of irony, please consider the following:
i·ron·ic  (-rnk) also i·ron·i·cal (-rn-kl)

adj.

1. Characterized by or constituting irony.

2. Given to the use of irony. See Synonyms at sarcastic.

3. Poignantly contrary to what was expected or intended: madness, an ironic fate for such a clear thinker.

i·roni·cal·ly adv.

i·roni·cal·ness n.

Usage Note: The words ironic, irony, and ironically are sometimes used of events and circumstances that might better be described as simply "coincidental" or "improbable," in that they suggest no particular lessons about human vanity or folly. Thus 78 percent of the Usage Panel rejects the use of ironically in the sentenceIn 1969 Susie moved from Ithaca to California where she met her husband-to-be, who, ironically, also came from upstate New York. Some Panelists noted that this particular usage might be acceptable if Susie had in fact moved to California in order to find a husband, in which case the story could be taken as exemplifying the folly of supposing that we can know what fate has in store for us. By contrast, 73 percent accepted the sentence Ironically, even as the government was fulminating against American policy, American jeans and videocassettes were the hottest items in the stalls of the market, where the incongruity can be seen as an example of human inconsistency.

If you still don't think I'm intelligent, you're probably right.

Apple butter has the consistency of butter due to some form of chemical something or other.  I read a lot of this stuff and it basically boils down to this:  if you boiled apples down long enough, you get a consistency similar to a butter-intense sauce.  Punn intended.  I like two n's better.

Many of the recipes talk about starting with fresh apples, which I suppose you would do if you had an affinity for apple picking or an apple tree, but I have neither.  What I do have is access to unsweetened, natural applesauce from mott's at the grocery store.  Applesauce is what you get when you don't boil the apples as long.  Most of the recipes sought to make you feel like less of a person on the order of this article, if you chose to use store-bought apple sauce.  Please understand that the article uses a magical literary style called satire.  Though if you read the comments at the bottom of the article, you will find many individuals who have not grasped this particular style of humor.  Alas, it all comes down to what do you enjoy wasting your time on.  Processing fruit is not a favorite waste-time of mine.

The picking, peeling, coring, cooking for many hours and jarring involved to obtain a jar of apple butter almost justified me paying five dollars.  However, once I figured out I could start with a 3 lb jug of applesauce for $1.79, an empty salsa jar and make a batch in about an hour, I turned my nose up at the apple butter mafia and struck out on my own.

By the way, sanitizing the jar beyond washing it in the dishwasher is completely unnecessary.  If the stuff turns out well, and it will, it will be consumed in a day anyways.

I tried this starting with 2 and 4 cups of apple sauce.  It cooks down to about half that volume, though I found doubling the sauce doubles the time to cook and double the mess.  Proceed at your leisure.  I'll provide the 2 cup amounts here.  Soon, you too can have delicious apple butter and your house will smell like the little house on the prairie in the fall.

Here's my recipe:

In a cast iron pan combine the following:

2 cups applesauce
2 tbs white sugar
2 tbs brown sugar
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp allspice
1 tsp ground cloves

Mess with the spices per your own desires -- I just throw stuff in until it looks right.

Mix well and place on med-low heat.  You want to maintain a nice slow simmer.  Don't turn the heat too high because it will splatter everywhere and burn.  Besides, leave it a little lower and drink a nice warm glass of brandy and relax.

Stir it occasionally to keep it from sticking and enjoy the aroma.  It's done when it has darkened and reduced in volume by about half.  It took about 30-45 min on my stove.

Put it on just about anything.  My favorites are graham crackers, fresh biscuits and the French Toast I posted earlier today.

Down with the Apple Butter Mafia!  Please attend my funeral if they knock me off.